There are times in life, when you feel the need to just “get away.” Everyone needs to recharge their batteries every now and then. Even Jesus had to get away sometimes. To be alone with God, He went up on the mountain. And Jesus, was…well…. Ya know….. JESUS. He was perfect, y’all.
Well….. I’m far from it. Most of the time I feel pretty much the opposite of perfect.
Being pregnant while taking care of my 1 year old has been very challenging for me. My husband works about 60 hours a week, and his only day off is on Sunday. I am not complaining. I love my life and I am so very blessed. That being said, every Mommy needs some me time. It’s like we have a well on the inside of our hearts. We have to get our well filled up. If we don’t, we don’t have anything to offer to anyone else, especially our husbands and children.
Is anyone feeling me on that?
I was so excited to have the opportunity recently to go to a Women of Faith Conference.. It was an amazing, refreshing time. In my every day life, it’s easy for me to get discouraged. I look at the people around me, and they are so talented. I have so many friends with special talents. Friends with singing abilities, musical talents and friends with great intelligence. Some have beautiful artistic ability and others have so much charisma, that people just flock to them. Although I have come a long way in my negative “self-talk” and my inner dialogue has much improved, I still sometimes feel like I do not have much to offer. I mean, I like to talk. I talk A LOT. But most people would not consider that a very special talent now would they? Haha.
But here’s the thing….
I. Just. LOVE. God.
Not only that, I’m head over heels for Jesus.
I used to have a very VERY sad life you guys. Now, I have a very very wonderful life. It’s nothing short of a miracle what God has done in my life. He has helped me overcome low-self esteem, depression, addiction, infertility, unforgiveness, unbelief….. (I could go on and on. ) So because God has brought me through so VERY much, I have such a strong desire to tell others about Him, and to teach (I really don’t care for the word “preach,” I never liked being “preached” at. Haha). A few years ago, I heard a Pastor say, “Sometimes I don’t know what to say when people ask me what I do for a living…..So I just say that I teach people how to love God.” When I heard him say that, something stirred inside me. I thought, “Yes! That is what I’m supposed to do with my life. Soak up the Bible and teach people about how much God loves them and how to love Him back!” So here I was with this strong desire to let God use me, yet at the same time feeling so ordinary. So untalented. So ashamed about the bad decisions I’ve made and guilty about the addictions I allowed into my life. As a result, I was discouraged and just about to give up on the dream I had, that one day God was going to use me. Who knew how, I thought maybe through public speaking. Through teaching at my church, writing a book, speaking at conferences or small groups. But at times I get discouraged and almost ready to let go of that calling.
Then I went to Women of Faith.
It’s hard to put into words what I experienced there, but I’m really going to try. I don’t want to write TOO much about the conference, just in case someone reading this is planning on going to Women of Faith near their city. I don’t want to give out any spoilers. (I HATE spoilers. Haha.) I can sum it up by saying that I left that conference feeling completely refreshed and renewed. I learned that weekend that God isn’t looking for smart people. He’s not looking for the beautiful, the talented, the educated, the charismatic or the exceptional. He is looking for people who are AVAILABLE. That’s it!!! At the WOF conference, a very funny man named Mark Lowry said, “The Bible is full of freaks, frauds, and failures…..” He’s right! I left feeling so very encouraged. I know without a doubt now, that God is going to use me. Who knows, He may be already using me and I do not even realize it! So, in this current season of my life, I am just going to enjoy every moment. While my babies are small, I’m going to soak up every inch of the Bible that I possibly can. I’m going to pray pray pray. Not only am I going to read and pray, I’m going to APPLY it. I’m going to make myself available wherever and whenever I can. It is my promise to God to be faithful….
and to NEVER let go of the dream.